All the stuff.
When my dad died (oh snap --- is she gonna go all dark and twisty again? no no. we cool bro.)
I kept a lot of his stuff. It was like an attempt to keep him.
My dad loved things. He had a lot of them. And the daddy/daughter struggle within me always made me want to be more like him. (Side note --- that would be a very inwardly reflective post I may write sometime)
I am 37 and I have always collected, kept, and relished in having stuff. Home decor I was always so attracted to had a multitude of photo walls, and rows and rows of bookshelves filled. Things felt warm and cozy.
Stuff -- i've come to learn.... have filled voids in my life When I'm upset or happy -- I want to go shopping. A trip to Target is NEVER done with a stuck - to shopping list. I must peruse up and down the endcaps looking for the hidden clearance treasures. I didn't know I needed these rose gold $9 pair of scissors, but clearly the universe brought them to me because I should redo my office in rose gold... as I skip over to the textile aisle. Because you know --- I really need new curtains to bring out the rose gold elements in my soon to be purchased office accessories in my red cart of happiness.
Stuff.
It fills the holes in my soul like a supernatural spackle. I fill in the gaps and smooth things over and before you know it --- everything looks pretty again. Just don't get too close.
Last year sometime --- I imagined a life for myself without stuff. Without that spackling putty holding me together... what
would happen?Would I fall apart? Likely, yes.
The fear of falling apart was palpable, but something strong then fear pushed me forward. Hope.
I cleaned out my closet and found the emptiness to be comforting instead of terrifying. I felt like I should walk by my empty closet all day because what I experienced when I saw the empty spaces -- was something I longed for with every fiber of my being... Peace. How could purging out my closet bring me such elation? How could I purge my closet and not have one foot out the door to refill my clothes with cute new Target threads?
Something I didn't see coming happened... The more room I freed up from things --- the more room I had for peace.
woah.
So I continue on my quest to have less things. I'm still working on my bedroom. Can I just say --- wide open spaces are my new favorite thing. I have plans for my spaces. Plans that will bring me MORE peace.
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