I'm proud that I can say #metoo and not hide like the small child that I was when I was first inducted into the club no one should ever be a part of. I'm proud that I'm beginning to talk about it. To my therapist, my husband, my friends, and most importantly, myself. I'm proud that I FINALLY am not following my abuser's orders to "never tell anyone" or "your dad will hate you". I'm proud that I am finally seeing how the patterns in my life are SO intensely related to the sexual abuse I had as a child.
I'm proud that I can visualize myself as a small child and tell that girl that it isn't her fault. There isn't one ounce of responsibility.
I'm proud that I'm engaged in therapy. I'm engaged because I need to reclaim control taken from me. I'm engaged because I only have so many trips around the sun and I don't want to allow my abuser to have the influence he does as to how I spend those years.
My younger self didn't realize the pain she was walking through. Eventually, she didn't even remember much about it and started to make herself believe it didn't happen. My younger self told someone in her teens and wasn't believed. She was crushed. But she doesn't have to be anymore.
I am not the same girl not because something was taken from me, but because I've chosen to take back control. I've chosen to share my story and not hide in shame from it.
You are strong enough.
According to the Crimes Against Children Research Center :
- 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys is a victim of child sexual abuse;
- Self-report studies show that 20% of adult females and 5-10% of adult males recall a childhood sexual assault or sexual abuse incident;
According to a 2003 National Institute of Justice report, 3 out of 4 adolescents who have been sexually assaulted were victimized by someone they knew well
#metoo
Children who had an experience of rape or attempted rape in their adolescent years were 13.7 times more likely to experience rape or attempted rape in their first year of college (page 9).
#metoo
Ashlee
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