When the last box is unpacked.

How will I feel?

Life is crazy right now. I'm running on fumes and energy drinks.

Can't believe I said that -- but if you only knew me, you would SURELY repremand me.

I'm not about that energy drink life... didn't we learn in the 2000's that they cause heart attacks and poor judgment? lol

I don't know. all I know is that I and my mountain dew amp are getting along swimmingly.

that is how tired I am you guys.

I spend my days unpacking, pretend to be watching ana and else on youtube for the 17.4 billionth time (Thanks, Charley), working during the day, and working at night. I haven't really been eating dinner. At least not one worthy to mention.

But each day I'm more an more aware that the distractions will minimize and the work will begin.

The work has begun, but you know what I mean.

If your mind's as cluttered as your kitchen sink
If your heart's as empty as your diesel tank
If all your white t-shirts have stains
If you've got some guts and got some ink, well then
We should be friends

I haven't even had the chance to sit down and really come up with a plan. What am I doing? How am I working on me? My marriage? My kids.

I'm overwhelmed.

I don't like that word so much. It's much too simple.

I'm overweighed
overburdened
over scared. 

I was thinking about the other day that song by Sheryl Crow: Strong Enough

God I feel like hell tonight
The tears of rage I cannot lie
I'd be the last to help you understand

Are you strong enough to be my man
My man

Nothing's true, and nothing's right
So let me be alone tonight
'Cause you can't change the way I am

Are you strong enough to be my man

Lie to me, I promise I'll believe
Lie to me, but please don't leave

I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go
Just try and love me if you can

Are you strong enough to be my man

I got thinking about it -- but reversed.
Am I strong enough to be ME?

Am I strong enough to be humble? Am I strong enough to be not-humble.

Am I strong enough to say what I mean and mean what I say?

Am I me enough? To be me enough?

I don't know what I want.  Not for breakfast, not for life.


I'm a mess. a literal mess.

Send help.