This is an excerpt from my FB page March 2, 2018:

I’m ‘unbecoming’.  Let me explain this aha moment with you.  In my life I feel like I’ve invested a lot of time in becoming this or that.  Becoming a better mother and wife, student and teacher, friend and partner.  I’ve had years worth of  layers that I have armored myself with in an effort to ‘become’.   

Have you ever started on a project with a clear intention in mind and keep adding to it  in an effort to achieve what you are aiming for, only to eventually have a result completely different then you expected?  I think we do that to ourselves too.  

It’s so easy in today’s world of sharing our highlight reel on social media, to pack on the layers of ‘becoming’ so much so that we lose touch with who we are at our core. We forget (or are afraid/ashamed/nervous) to share ourselves in raw, beautiful, imperfect form. Because the world tells us to be perfect or at least appear that way.  

I know that I’ve fallen into that trap myself.  I have spent so much time focusing on what I need to become, what my shortcomings are — that I have failed to appreciate the most beautiful journey I’m on. I have failed to appreciate the beautiful, smart, caring, and special person I am — fully exposed and stripped from all layers.  I’ve forgotten to celebrate the struggles AND the victories.  

I’ve forgotten that my worth is not determined by person, title, or label.  It can be so easy for me to love others and know fully that Jesus died for THEM because HE finds them worthy,  and completely disconnect from the fact that He found me worthy too.  So I’m determined to ‘unbecome’. 

To shed the layers and stand firm in who I am — raw.  I am determined to dig into the deepest darkest part of me — and love that part.  Because I know that I know that I know  that Jesus died FOR that part of me, NOT DESPITE IT.  

So this is me — ‘unbecoming’ every standard, expectation, label, and layer that doesn’t serve me in being authentic and vulnerable.

I forgot. I forgot about unbecoming and the promise I made to myself. I forgot about shedding layers and returning to a raw true form. I forgot about how I was going to stop the highlight reel and share the 'in the thick of it all' stuff.

be·come

/bəˈkəm/

verb

1. 1.

   begin to be.

   "it is becoming clear that we are in a totally new situation"
2. 2.

   (of clothing) look good on or suit (someone).

   "the dress becomes her"

   synonyms:

   suit, flatter, look good on, look right on;  set off, show to advantage, enhance, go well with;  embellish, ornament, grace;  informaldo something for "the dress becomes her"

"Begin to be". Wow. I don't need to suddenly begin to be anything. I don't need to begin to be beautiful. I am so. I don't need to begin to have value. My value is immeasurable.

It's almost funny --- how often I've begun things in my life. I set my mind to begin to do _____, become ______, start this or that. Instead of investing all that time and mental (and emotional!) energy into beginning a new thing --- why have I failed to acknowledge the option of being. Being what and where I am. Sustaining WHO I am.

Sustaining who I am.

Sustaining who I am.

My brain just exploded while I wrote that. I have never once in my life (i don't think) attempted to sustain who I am.  It's always been a matter of having to be different. Usually better. Never ever enough.

What would happen if I didn't put my emphasis on being more than, and instead focused on accepting what is? Would the universe explode? I suspect it might.

"flatter...look good on...look right on....show to advantage...enhance...embellish....ornament...." Becoming is a verb of change. Upgrade. Even if it's not real. Even if it's simply an illusion. Becoming acts as a way to be more.

Is it possible, that I don't have to be more?


Just some thoughts. I'm grateful to have the universe remind me of this thought I had just over a year ago. I needed the reminder. I need it front and center in my thoughts.