What this blog is | What this blog isn't | Documenting my way.

I was always drawn to the idea of creating a blog and updating it. I was especially drawn to the idea of turning it into something that can make money. But I have a need to write about things I wouldn't necessarily want to use as a means to an income .... ya feel me?

I was looking at it ALL WRONG.


Yes, I can blog for money... but I need to take some parts of ME out of it.

How do you make money in just about every profession?

You answer a question. You answer the question of WHY your potential consumer needs what you are offering. How will it improve their life, happiness, or fulfill needs, etc.

This. Is. Not. That.

And... that's more than okay. I have really realized .... (flashbacks to Shrek and Donkey.... "Really Really!")

This is for me. I mean... the tag line says that... but now I truly get it.

I want to document everything.
Okay, that's a lie.

But I do want to document. I love looking back on old posts, videos, etc.


This is for me. Actually, Ashlee.

Now that we have that settled... I truly do want to consider a blog with the intention of building a brand. So I'm in the brainstorming phase. I have a few thoughts and once I have a more comprehensive list I'm sure I'll put it here.

Carry On.

!

I got a job!

More details to follow, but omg I'm excited!

checking in

The blogger app is sucking and when I make a post it deletes it :(

Lesson learned. Starting I need to either commit to only posting via computer or I need to upgrade to a WordPress blog or something of the like.

I've been job hunting. Its proved to be unsuccessful so far. I guess no one wants a middle aged stay at home mom of 10 years. Ugh.

I'm going to keep looking but I need to sit down and really brainstorm streams of income instead of just one part or fulltime job perhaps.

They say the average millionaire has 8 streams of income. I'm not trying to become a millionaire, but I'm not trying to not be one either.  For now, I need to help supplement Doug's income, reduce some stress in our lives financially. Emotionally I think a job would be excellent for me too.

Hoping for some good news soon.

I've been playing a new MMO in free time. It helps to distract me from things I need to be distracted from and I'm enjoying it.

Fifty Three.

Fifty three posts. It hasn't been at a consistency that I would love, but it's something. It's more than I've done before.

It feels good to be at it.

I want to get in the habit of blogging on this personal blog, in the hopes that I could sometime in the near future launch a professional blog as passive income. I have some ideas!

So writing goals for 2019:

1. Self publish poetry /another writing book.
2. Launch a moneymaking blog. My goal for 2019 isn't for it to be an income sustaining endeavor, but to be in the positive.


Got any tips for passion income blogging? I know typically the way to make money is 1. ads. 2. offering a product or service. 3. affiliate/showcasing someone elses product.


Ashlee

This is an excerpt from my FB page March 2, 2018:

I’m ‘unbecoming’.  Let me explain this aha moment with you.  In my life I feel like I’ve invested a lot of time in becoming this or that.  Becoming a better mother and wife, student and teacher, friend and partner.  I’ve had years worth of  layers that I have armored myself with in an effort to ‘become’.   

Have you ever started on a project with a clear intention in mind and keep adding to it  in an effort to achieve what you are aiming for, only to eventually have a result completely different then you expected?  I think we do that to ourselves too.  

It’s so easy in today’s world of sharing our highlight reel on social media, to pack on the layers of ‘becoming’ so much so that we lose touch with who we are at our core. We forget (or are afraid/ashamed/nervous) to share ourselves in raw, beautiful, imperfect form. Because the world tells us to be perfect or at least appear that way.  

I know that I’ve fallen into that trap myself.  I have spent so much time focusing on what I need to become, what my shortcomings are — that I have failed to appreciate the most beautiful journey I’m on. I have failed to appreciate the beautiful, smart, caring, and special person I am — fully exposed and stripped from all layers.  I’ve forgotten to celebrate the struggles AND the victories.  

I’ve forgotten that my worth is not determined by person, title, or label.  It can be so easy for me to love others and know fully that Jesus died for THEM because HE finds them worthy,  and completely disconnect from the fact that He found me worthy too.  So I’m determined to ‘unbecome’. 

To shed the layers and stand firm in who I am — raw.  I am determined to dig into the deepest darkest part of me — and love that part.  Because I know that I know that I know  that Jesus died FOR that part of me, NOT DESPITE IT.  

So this is me — ‘unbecoming’ every standard, expectation, label, and layer that doesn’t serve me in being authentic and vulnerable.

I forgot. I forgot about unbecoming and the promise I made to myself. I forgot about shedding layers and returning to a raw true form. I forgot about how I was going to stop the highlight reel and share the 'in the thick of it all' stuff.

be·come

/bəˈkəm/

verb

1. 1.

   begin to be.

   "it is becoming clear that we are in a totally new situation"
2. 2.

   (of clothing) look good on or suit (someone).

   "the dress becomes her"

   synonyms:

   suit, flatter, look good on, look right on;  set off, show to advantage, enhance, go well with;  embellish, ornament, grace;  informaldo something for "the dress becomes her"

"Begin to be". Wow. I don't need to suddenly begin to be anything. I don't need to begin to be beautiful. I am so. I don't need to begin to have value. My value is immeasurable.

It's almost funny --- how often I've begun things in my life. I set my mind to begin to do _____, become ______, start this or that. Instead of investing all that time and mental (and emotional!) energy into beginning a new thing --- why have I failed to acknowledge the option of being. Being what and where I am. Sustaining WHO I am.

Sustaining who I am.

Sustaining who I am.

My brain just exploded while I wrote that. I have never once in my life (i don't think) attempted to sustain who I am.  It's always been a matter of having to be different. Usually better. Never ever enough.

What would happen if I didn't put my emphasis on being more than, and instead focused on accepting what is? Would the universe explode? I suspect it might.

"flatter...look good on...look right on....show to advantage...enhance...embellish....ornament...." Becoming is a verb of change. Upgrade. Even if it's not real. Even if it's simply an illusion. Becoming acts as a way to be more.

Is it possible, that I don't have to be more?


Just some thoughts. I'm grateful to have the universe remind me of this thought I had just over a year ago. I needed the reminder. I need it front and center in my thoughts.

Let's try a real takeover. What Ashlee is actually like. Fuck the facade.

Typically with these kinds of things you have to start at the beginning. You have to fill your audience into where you are starting. It can be super awkward. This isn’t that.

I am writing for myself, because of a million reasons. But, still... knowing that I will make the decision to share this with a few of my people.. I want to lay down some groundwork.



1. If you are reading this, you probably think you know me. Maybe over the years, maybe since birth, either way... I’m a chameleon. I can fit in to any group of people. I can scan and read and know how to blend. I like blending in. I can go from environment to environment without upsetting the balance. I know how to make you like me, I know when to be quiet and when to speak up. So I want you to know, that as you read and perhaps think I am a stranger -- know this: I’m a stranger to me too. That’s what blending in, not rocking the boat, and submitting to anything that doesn’t draw attention to yourself does. You get so caught up in figuring out what kind of eggs your partner likes to eat, that you forget what your true preference was. (For me, it’s over easy with crispy whites)

2.  I'm going to share a lot of not pretty things here. Fuck pretty. I don't need the pretty that I have been so guilty of seeking. I need raw beauty. I need to learn what my truth is and to be okay to walk into it.  My life has been filled with a lot of love, but there is darkness too. I am going through some tough shit right now on multiple levels and what I want more then anything is to find my peace, even if that requires me to let the waves of pain wash over me. “I wrote you those nice poems only because the honest ones would frighten you” - Jewel Kilcher… that is how I feel about my life. That for the last 36 years, I’ve been so focused on outwardly being the nice poem. Sure there are parts of me that are that, but there is so much storyline under the surface that I am terrified to share. The honest stories may frighten you -- they do me.  More on this to come. I have a lot to say.

3. I have a bookshelf of journals. It’s always a great go to gift for me because I write in them. I rarely finish them.. In fact they rarely get half finished. (Which, you should know, is a running theme in my life) In them are thoughts, poems, letters I never intended to send.  I’ve written stories and songs and poems and to do lists in them. So why another on, and why online. What is the purpose? What is the goal? I’m not sure why here and now. Maybe because I need something fresh… because the life I had in each of those journals isn’t the one I have no. Maybe because I find it easier, when it comes to thoughts, to type them out. When i’m writing poems, or quotes or songs I like to physically write. But in sharing my thoughts, typing feels right.

4. I need help. I need help in the way that a child can’t reach the cup on the counter, in the way that an addict needs a fix. I need help like i’m dyslexic and all the letters are jumbled. I need help deciphering the codes of my brain and my heart. And because I’m a sucker for a good puzzle, I’ve created a super-encrypted, ten million piece puzzle over the last 36 years. Well, that doesn’t seem overwhelming at all.

So that’s the plan. Rescue the girl, save the world and all the other bullshit in between.

Cheers.

Truth

I need to speak truth. Even if my voice shakes. Even if you (whoever you are) hate me. Even if it feels yucky. (Yes, I'm a 37 year old woman who still uses the phrasing, 'yucky'.)

It's been a very long time since my last post. So many choices were made. So many choices -- were not made.

The  tag line of this blog is, "this ones for me" and I've had the opportunity to use this as a means to express myself and I have not. I give myself tools and then don't use them.

I don't know.

I'm listening to the audio book version of "Girl wash your face" and working on a list of things i want to commit to MYSELF!

it's happening. stay tuned. or don't. But I will be here.