Moving.

When I was in my 20s, the idea of moving was exhilarating. I wanted to see all the things, live all the experiences, and flow in and out of this world as I saw fit.

There were so many things about moving that I got a high from. I loved the moment of "what if". What if I think about moving, where would I go, what would I do for work? Who would be the people I met. Would it be a cozy little house or a bustling city apartment? Would I have time to properly pack and organize or would it be a whole lot of shit shoved into those alarmingly strong blue IKEA bags? What would be our first meal in the new place? Probably pizza in the candlelight served atop of a Home Depot moving box.

Moving was freeing to me. Maybe that's where my love of fresh starts come from. I love Mondays, 1st of the months, and FOR SURE 1st of the years. And it's like cosmic kismet if January 1st falls on a Monday. That's the mother of all fresh starts!

New air to breath, new bedrooms to decorate. New promises to myself to make my bed every day! (New chances to fail at that each and every time lol)

This move feels different.

I'm not excited like I'd been in the past. I'm stressed and anxious and uncertain. We are down to the wire and have no plan. And guys, for a girl who thrived on the no plan plan so much of her life... I'm terrified. Stress level is code red. Not even a kinda reddish orange... we are full on red zone, ya'all.

The 411 of it all:
Doug and Ashlee are in marriage counseling and trying to save a marriage that is in bad shape.
Doug loses his job
Doug and Ashlee's Landlord sell their home the same week.
Doug and Ashlee's cat dies.
Aurora makes a BFF in the neighborhood and is devastated about moving.
Doug and Ashlee are so anxious about moving Liam away from therapist and a school he first so well into.
Job offerings are slim and they are having to extend their search area for employment out further then they wish.

that my friends? Code. Level. Red.

Maybe I do still like moving, but this particular example is very overwhelming? I'm not sure... but as I pack boxes each and every day I don't daydream about the "what if" component of it all.

Sure there is a part of me... the whole... I love fresh starts part... that can find some excitement and positive in something new...I'm overcome with "what if we can't"... "what if we don't"... The what-ifs have turned themselves into a negative and i don't like that.

when we know, where we are heading i'll be sure to document it.