3 am

It's 3 am and eerily quiet
I can hear the fridge running
My mind wanders for a moment wondering what "fridge running" joke Liam would make.

It's 3 am and my heart is racing
water didn't help
Most of me wants to sit in the shower and cry -- over: spilled milk, uncertainty, and heart stuff.

It's 3 am, no now it's 4.
4:08 as I sit and stare
Am I moving forward quickly enough, or is it just an illusion

It's 4 am and I just can't breathe
Xanax down the hatch -- I have no feelings on this.
Scratch that -- I have a feeling I won't feel as much soon.

4:11 and I remember
Shameless sunny warmth, car karaoke, buckets of ice
My dad always sang to me -- Lucky Star (How very 80's)

It's 4:52 and finally the numbness visits me
I think I can convince my brain to sleep
Cheers to racing heartbeats, pharmaceuticals, and daddy issues.