31 Days To Self Love: Day 5

original challenge: Blessing Manifesting

The things I say I'm going to do. Seems simple right?

I'm a dreamer. I always have been. On any given idle Tuesday you can find me with my hair swept up, curled up on the couch with a soft blanket, staring off into the abyss of my thoughts. I dream about what could have been, what should be now, and what might be. I set goals, plans, ideas, and plans for myself -- but struggle to say YES! to them. I struggle to follow through with what I say. Part of this is a lack of self-discipline which is something I have issues with. Another part is lack of confidence in being able to do the thing. I have this dream of becoming a yoga teacher. I specifically would like to teach those with nontraditional bodies or those with disabilities. I can see myself teaching, I can see the studio I would own. But even in my own yoga practice I battle with self doubt. I find myself not being "thin" enough (comical for someone who has the heart to teach non-traditional yogi bodies), not "spiritual enough" (Seriously, sometimes when I meditate, i'm thinking more about the decor in my meditation space then what the intention i'm working on is....), or just too shy (I am terrified to have attention on me --- yet I'm going to TEACH?!)

Instead of saying yes to the things in my heart, I come up with reasons for no. Why do I do that? How can I counteract my immediate response to think of why I couldn't .... with reasons I can?

So I guess ultimately the thing I need to say yes to the most is myself. Yes to me. Yes to my dreams. Yes to my goals. Yes to the tedious task i promised myself i'd do as well as the mountains I long to climb. Yes i can. (I think.)

31 Days To Self Love: Day 4

original challenge: Blessing Manifesting

Ashlee, you are beautiful.

It's been said to me before. Know what my first thought is? Either 1. They like red hair. 2. They are being nice.

It's weird. My whole life I've been told what beautiful hair I have, it's been a type of identity for me. I'm the rare unicorn of red hair and blue eyes. Whenever anyone compliments my looks I immediately assume they simply mean my red locks. And don't get me wrong --- I love them too! (It's been a long time coming to truly love them -- as an adolescence I detested being different)

But I never truly believe someone thinks I'm beautiful. I can mentally note the many reasons why I feel I am not. But I know that isn't the reason for these 31 daily prompts.

I notice beautiful people in the world, both in the physical and spiritual sense, and I definitely notice that there is a difference between those people and myself. I hope one day I can accept the compliment with full belief.

"Breathing Dreams Like Air"

Hi. So thing happened. My mom surprised me by making a donation in my name with a gift! She made a donation to the World Wildlife Foundation and  gave me the sloth stuffy (side note: do all people call them stuffies or just moms?) and I'm completely smitten!

Isn't he the CUTEST! OMG.

Did you know how much I love sloths? My mom does <3


Okay. Sloths. The thing is... omg i love them. Like irrationally love them. One of my biggest dreams in life is to go to the sloth sanctuary in Costa Rica (Sloth Sanctuary) and visit them! I want to hold them, cuddle them, learn about them, take a slothie with them, and hang a baby sloth up to dry!!!! That is a thing you guys! When they bathe baby rescue sloths... they LITERALLY hang them up to dry! Ahhhhhhhh my DREAM <3 <3 <3

In all seriousness, I would love to visit the sanctuary and learn more about these amazing creatures!

So to commemorate the great love I have for sloths and my mom, I've named him........ Gatsby :)

Have you read or seen Gatsby? It's an amazing love story.

Do you have a favorite animal? Leave it in the comments!

31 Days to Self Love: Day 3

Original Challenge: Blessing Manifesting

I thought about this one for quite a bit because I'm all about setting the goals and habits, and terrible about follow through. I think the one habit I'd really like to be consistent with this month is reading. Reading a little every day.

I have a few books I'm getting through right now. I would like to finishing reading 3 books this month.  I will check back and let you know how that's going <3

31 Days To Self Love: Day 2

original challenge here: Blessing Manifesting

Writing. That's easy.

I love writing. I love reading with others have written. I love speaking out loud what others have written. I love the feeling I get when I nail the perfect line of a poem, or a starting phrase of an essay. I imagine what a book I write would look like.  I can see my name on the cover. Usually it's a book of poems/songs/thoughts.

But i lack belief. I have the imagination, yes. But I lack the belief that I actually have talent to do such things. Sure I could self publish a book just to say I wrote a book, but that doesn't mean I have an ounce of talent.

I wonder if I ever was published, if i still would doubt my talent? Is this a self confidence issue and not a talent issue at all?

I rarely share my work with others. If I do, it's a very very closed circle of friends.

So i guess my limiting belief would be my talent.

31 Days To Self Love: Day 1

Link to original challenge: Blessing Manifesting

Well, lets not start off easy...geesh! Haha. Okay so with these 31 days questions, i think I am going to take an unedited approach. First thing that comes to mind without much consideration for who is reading this or what someone may think, which is a major issue of mine.

I think my biggest struggle with loving myself is the constant and overwhelming feeling that I don't matter. I put so many people on pedestals because their joy, anger, grief, love, happiness seems more important to me then my own. I think deep down inside i find myself disappointing, weak, and overall less than.

Maybe this is why i'm sorta obsessed in my kids having positive self talk.

Not mattering is a learned behavior. And while i've had partners in the past that participated in continuing the lie -- ultimately I think I learned that I didn't matter as a child. I have childhood trauma that has taught me so much, and it's really hard to unlearn those things.

This is actually a huge topic in therapy right now, (yep, i'm in therapy), feeling less then. Why is Ashlee not taking care of, protecting, loving, Ashlee?

31 Days to Self Love

I'm doing a thing. Thanks for the inspriation Blessing Manifesting! In addition to any other entries I am going to do a 31 days self love challenge! If you are doing anything similar let me know, i'd love to follow!