The truth is i've been wearing many masks for a really long time. Probably since I was a child. If you know me, you may or may not realize this.
I take on the weight of the world, as well as the responsibility to make everyone happy. It feels that at a very cellular level that it's my job to make sure things are good, nice, and tied with a bow.
Recently in therapy, our therapist said something that made Douglas a combination of mad, frustrated, and perhaps hurt. I picked up on it immediately as I squirmed in my seat. I opened my mouth and said something that I don't remember now, in an attempt to sooth the atmosphere, mood, vibe, whatever you want to call it. Being the good therapist and observer that he is, Bob commented on how it wasn't my job to make me Doug feel better. It wasn't up to me to be responsible for what was said to him that made him upset. It was incredibly hard to sit an accept that.
If someone is hurt, annoyed, bored, betrayed, angry, or any other similar emotions that are felt -- I take it on.
When communicating about this issue, and my need to feel responsible, my incredibly forward and spot on personal therapist says to me, Who are you? Jesus?
why do i take the weight of the world on my shoulders?
because I have this internal dialogue telling me that I need everyone to be ok. Things are ok. It's fine! It's fine!
it's not fine you all.
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